Did it ever occur to you that for one brief moment in time you are dealing in diapers, baby food and sippy cups, and in the miniscule blink of an eye, those once babies are grown? I never stopped being amazed at how my Charlee Bear was growing, until I really looked (I mean really LOOKED) at her on Sunday night. Folks, our baby was suddenly 18 and I couldn't do anything about it! I have yet, really, to find the words that describe the sudden realization of that FACT...and don't fool yourself, IT IS FACT. Somehow, I feel like I should be sad, and I'm not. Look at the lovely, smart, beautiful, funny, happy, full of life woman sitting in these pictures and ask yourself, "Why should I be sad?" She's all a mother (her own, or me) could possibly ask for in a once upon a time child. Yes, gone are the days of pink sponge rollers in her hair. The frilly dresses have been replaced by sleek fitting gowns, her cherub face replaced by a little make-up...but look inside and she's mature, sensitive, tender-hearted, and warm. She cares about others, she walks with her chin up, she makes well-thought out decisions and handles responsibility with integrity and enthusiasm. Do I miss the days of unlimited snuggles, and regurgitated peas, yes, of course. But do I love, even more, the daughter who has become my dear friend and confidante? You bet I do! And you know what?? I'm lucky, because even at 18 I still get unlimited snuggles and "I love yous." I still get to walk in open public, hand in hand with the grown up version of the child who did the same but with much smaller hands when we went to the zoo, or the park, or the movies. How did that happen? That remains the true mystery. Even in my absence from some of Charlee's life after her Dad and I divorced, we remained ever connected in spirit, soul and heart. I don't actually remember saying to myself that I needed to do that, but it happened all the same. Maybe it's because we had spent 10 years before the divorce building and fortifying a bridge to each other, but I like to think that only God, Himself, knew we would need each other later in life and His divine intervention kept us connected. With His help, Charlee's mother and I have become friends and partner for the benefit of this, now grown, child.
For her birthday, I made Charlee a memory scrapbook. It holds pictures from the time I met her to this past Sunday's 18th birthday party. I sorted pictures by age, event, day and vacation. Only after I had nearly finished, I looked over it, and something I had NEVER noticed before jumped out at me...in every photo I had, in every shot, in every picture, she was smiling her big happy smiles the kind that makes her eyes bluer than sapphires. In somewhat disbelief, I began to go through some of the photos I didn't use for the scrapbook, and guess what??? Yup, she was smiling in those too. I couldn't find
one photo of an unhappy child...though I found one of her sleeping. hahaha. I'm not sure what to think of that, but I'd like to think it's because she knew all along that so many people, including many of you, loved her without reservation, without regard to society's sterotype of step-families, and like she'd always be a part of your lives. So everyone, today, pat yourselves on the back and be proud of the young woman in these photos. She carries a bit of you inside her, even from her memories. She remembers the "sick Pepere" and how sad we all were when he went to heaven. She remembers that Uncle Lee called her "Chuck". She remembers that Uncle Glenn took her snowmobiling with a helmet so big that she could barely hold her head up and that Chris and Erin took her skiing in Fort Kent. She remembers Santa coming to Memere and Pepere's house at the lake, and she remembers meeting Kenya for the first time certain he was a wolf. She remembers roasting marshmallows by the lake and the sound the train makes as it makes it's way along the other side of the lake. You were all there... So, no one should be sad. I'm not! I've got a dear, true friend in my once little girl. We have grown up talks now and share grown up interests. What a blessing this new woman is to me and to us all. Happy Birthday, Charlee! When God made you, he blessed us all.
